Creative Thursday: The Free Iccee Man

This is somewhat spiritual, considering it's introduction and ending, but if you read the story by itself, it's a short story. I based this one on a dream that I recently had. I know, I speel iccee wrong, but whatever.

The Free Iccee Man
My life is like a bed sheet or blanket. No matter how hard I try to straighten it out, there is always a wrinkle. Sometimes big, sometimes small. Big wrinkles are the worst. They make me feel like God isn't there. I think Satan likes to play with my mind. How do I get rid of Him? How do I resist temptation? Does God still love me even when I do the same wrong thing over and over again? What about when I do it so much I don't even feel guilty any more, I just feel empty? Every time I ask forgiveness, but then I turn around and do it again. I don't want to be a bad person. It's like this:

There once was a young girl. She loved icee cones, but they were never free. Not until this one man came and put on a contest for a free iccee. As it turned out, He was only going to choose a few out of many to get that free iccee. And those few would have to take good care of their iccee. They couldn't spill it, or drop it, lest they should lose the wonderful taste of the iccee. So, the time came for the man to chose the winners. The young girl wanted an iccee so bad. She just had to get that free iccee. She didn't have enough money to buy one from the other vendors, and even if she did, she knew the other icees were not nearly as tasty as the free ones. They were fake and icky tasting. The young girl knew this very well. Her stomach growled. She was hungry for an iccee all right. But how was she going to get it. Not everyone would get chosen. She had little chance. But low and behold her name was the first to be called when it came time to give away the free iccees. She jumped for joy. To think that she had been called, out of everyone in the entire area. And she knew that her iccee would be delicious. She slowly walked up to the man who was giving away the free iccees. "Why are giving me a free iccee?" she asked Him. "Because I love all the children of this playground," he replied, "And I would sacrifice everything to see them all smile. But they had to come to me first. They had to put their name in my box so I would know they sought my free iccees. Then they could win no matter what. You did that. You gave up everything else on that playground and all those other iccee stalls to come and receive my iccees. Now take you iccee and go. Tell the other children about me. But be careful. They may want you to get another vendor's iccees. They may want you to play on the playground when you have not yet finished your iccee. Take care of your iccee. Do as I say until you have eaten all of that iccee and then I will return to give you more when the time comes. That will be your reward." So the little girl went along on her way and sat down on a bench for a bite of her free iccee. It was delicious. She wanted to gobble it down fast, but she knew that would give her a brain freeze. She slowed down a bit. Across the way she saw another child with an iccee from one of the other vendor stalls. The other child called out to her to join him. "Come and try my iccee, it will be better than yours," he said. The girl knew better than to listen to the invitation, but the temptation was strong. A bit of another iccee couldn't harm her. She would still have her own iccee if she needed it. So, she went over to the boy. His iccee was good. The boy could tell she liked it, so he let her have some more. The second bite was even better. In no time the two had devoured the iccee together. The girl still had her free iccee in her hand. She hadn't eaten any more of it since her first bite. It was starting to melt. Another boy came over and said hi. He asked her if she would play with him on the playground. Well, this did sound tempting. The boy was very cute, and the playground looked like fun. So, she forgot she had the free iccee in her hand and she began to walk over to the playground. On her way over she tripped and the free iccee got all dirty when it hit the ground. The girl began to cry. She had forgotten how much she had wanted that free iccee. An iccee was starting to sound good again. She picked up the dirty iccee and began to study it. Slowly, but surely, the dirt disappeared as she picked it off with her fingers. Even still, there were some spots on it in the end. She tried her iccee, but it was even more melted now and the dirt had turned the flavor somewhat bitter. Not knowing that she could have just scraped off the top to find a fresh new layer, she sat on the ground, crying. The two boys from before and a few other kids came over to find out what was wrong. She told them. They tried to comfort her with their smooth voices and funny jokes, but nothing helped. She still felt empty. One child asked her to play on the playground. "It will make you forget your troubles and burdens," the child said, "you can be a beautiful princess and I'll be your prince charming." The young girl smiled. Being beautiful did sound nice. Maybe pretending to be a princess would make her forget how ugly she was. So, she went along with all the other children to play with them on the playground. But when the end of the day came, everyone had left and the young girl was all alone again. The next day came and went with no free iccee. The girl just sat there feeling empty inside. She tried different things in the following days, but none of them made her feel better. Then, one day, she remembered the kind man's words. He said he would come back, and she could have another free iccee. But she couldn't remember where in the park he was located. She searched for days and days until she finally gave up. The children of the playground invited her back. She tried that, but she just knew she would never find happiness in the playground. She had to search again. It was a big park, but she found that kind man and his iccee machine. He told her he had been wondering where she had gone. She confessed everything. To her surprise, he forgave her and gave her another free iccee. She knew she had to take good care of it this time. But temptation came again and she fell. She went back again and again to the kind man asking his forgiveness. One day she finally asked him, "Will the iccees ever taste as good as they did the first time?" "That's up to you," he replied. "I've been so bad," the young girl said, "and for so long. I'm no longer young, but am a young lady now. Can I ever change myself to be good again?" "That's up to you," the man said, "You must learn to have faith in me, and to no longer fall to temptation. You must turn from your sins." "Was I ever saved?" she asked him. "From the very beginning I chose you," he told her, "So, you figure it out for yourself. Remember, though, I am always here with my free iccees. You just have to come to me. Now go, and tell the others about my gift to them."

That's what my life is like. I know the truth and the facts that support the truth in my head, but my heart does not feel saved. I believe in my head but I feel like my heart does not believe. I feel empty. I know I shouldn't rely on my feelings, but what do I do? Even when I search I have trouble finding the Kind Man (God/Jesus). What should I do? Does God forgive me?